'I Cry, And Yet You Do Not Seem To Know'

I seek, and yet you slowly shy aside;
I speak, and yet you seem t'have much to hide;
I reach, and yet you from me do recede;
I try, and yet you let me not succeed;
I wish, and yet you will my wants away;
I hope, and yet you have not heart to pray;
I care, and yet you no affection show;
I cry, and yet you do not seem to know;



?/?/15

Poet's Notes

I remember bringing in this poem into my poetry club one week and pretending I found it on the internet by a poet named Vittoria Prelati (before I openly had this name on a blog/public/etc.), and convinced them to analyse and annotate it as practice for their literature examinations. Incredibly enough, they found a lot of the techniques I had consciously used and many more that I might have subconsciously - they even called me egocentric without being aware that it was mine own poem. Anyway, that was just some trivia about this poem.

Writing this poem was easy as they were completely genuine emotions - I wasn't even creating anything, rather I was translating what I felt into words. At the same time, writing this poem was hard, because to me, it represents the rejection I felt at the time. Although it is general enough to be widely applicable, the reason I wrote it was a huge blow in my life, paralyzing me for weeks on end. Poetry was my only solace, and this is what resulted of that. 

'Sonnet VI: The Begging of the Beast'

With heavy heart I face my greatest foe
to seek from him the grace that he has sworn.
With bended knee and pointed chin down low
I trust I will be greeted with much scorn.
I only ever wished the best: for all
to be enlightened -- was I not the one
so called The Bear'r of Light? Thus did I fall
and was relieved of titles such as "son." 

But as I crouch before Thee, mighty Father,
I ask but one small favour for all time:
to let my tortured neighbour, friend and brother
roam free for just one day. No sin, no crime.
I pray, with heart condemned and judged amiss,
let loose my demons from the deep abyss.



08/04/16

Poet's Notes

I've always found The Devil to be an interesting character (no surprise I'm in love with Shakespeare's Iago) with the huge amount of influence he has over our lives. His motivations, however, can be considered to some extent pro-human, and thus I feel that he is one of the more relatable characters in The Bible (God is perfect, the men are very 2D, either being all bad, all good, or bad turned good: Saul turned Paul) despite being the pure embodiment of evil. Of course, the attitude of being pro-human, or more accurately pro-self, is one of the fundamentals of Satanism as I understand it, and I feel that in one way or another, most of us can relate to that. 

That's why I, although forgetting what ultimately sparked it, was inspired by something to create a sympathetic and more redeemable character for The Devil. I intended it to be slightly misleading at first, with the main conceit being "let loose my demons from the deep abyss," suggesting perhaps a diabolical tone in a ritualistic manner to release chaos upon the world. As you can see, that is not the case, as Lucifer here is acknowledging that the poor souls in Hell had suffered, and, out of pity and compassion for those he intended to enlighten, requests for them to be allowed to roam the Earth for a day, similarly to the legends and lore behind festivals such as All Hallow's Eve and the Hungry Ghost Month.

Update

As you may have realised, this poem took the place of what was supposed to be a poem analysis. I put this out here instead because I felt this blog was established enough for me to be more lenient with posting and I wouldn't forget all about it. If I ever do find myself forgetting about it, you can expect me to resume my weekly posting schedules, but until then, it'll be just like my other blog: completely free! :)

'Window Shopping'

From the other side of the hallway
I catch a glimpse of a radiant clothe
that stands on its own;
the calm and still body of Chinese silk
beckons me over, as the 
colours that flush it glow under its own
celestial light;
it is so soft, so delicate,
so smooth and akin to perfection
that it could only be made
with divine intervention.
        I check its price,
        and I expect numbers telling me
        of what I have to give for it - 
        only letters, spelling out:
        "S-O-L-D."

Then at the corner of my eye,
I see a pair of dancing shoes;
although mute and quiet
in colour, they are a shade
that I would love to wear with me.
The greatest thing about them
is that they don't seem to have been
sold, at least that's how it looks.
        I consider buying them;
        I have in my hand the paper
        that would win them for me
        when I admit they might be
        somebody else's size.

So I continue roaming,
searching for something to bring home,
for something to give my treasure for;
but I can only window shop,
as all that's worth is either
sold or not for me.
        But I can buy my way
        to see them every day,
        and in that lies a window shopper's pleasure.



05/04/16

Poet's Notes

As some of my friends may be aware of, I have recently become an avid shopper especially for clothes, and I can be very picky with the clothes I buy. There are times (like now) when I want to stay away from shopping altogether because swiping a card on checkout is way too easy a way to spend money and I don't feel as heavy-hearted to do it as I would with actual paper cash. However, more times than I'd like to admit I just want to go around buying all the clothes I'd see myself wearing. For sure, any person would, but I never saw myself like this in the past, never thought I'd think this way.

This poem then I guess depicts my trouble as a shopper who has the trouble of perhaps being a bit too picky, but more importantly how the things he wants to buy is either no longer on the market or just doesn't fit him. In a way, it's similar to my struggles in outfitting my LOTRO characters. Truth is, I always want to bring home a new piece of clothing if I can. I love outfitting in LOTRO and always thought I could do it well in real life too. Right before writing this, I was doing just that, and I guess that was what inspired me.

Update

I've decided to screw over the picture idea. It was a good one, but I don't see myself sustaining it. Mainly because I have poems titled things like "Firebird" and "I Have Not Heart." I just can't envision myself ever finding the right subject to be taken picture of. Plus, I'm not going to be able to spend that much time a week for editing. I'll find pictures hopefully to post on Instagram to link here, but other than that I can't promise anything, so I've decided to scrap it. Sorry for getting your hopes up...